I just wrapped up week 1 of Happiness Studies and it has left me feeling and thinking that I’m right where I’m supposed to be. It has been one of the most meaningful and reflective weeks of my life.

Diving in to learn about the wholebeing approach to happiness through deep learning, journaling, yoga, meditation, healthy home-cooked meals (except for that burger + fries 😋), being close physically and emotionally with S, having uplifting conversations with friends, being more present, reframing negative thoughts and identifying emotions.

Happiness Studies

We all want to be happy and most of us would agree that it’s the most important or at least one of the most important pursuits. It's interesting that we have fields of study for business, philosophy, literature, medicine, engineering and psychology but there is no field of study dedicated to happiness. Well until now.

Happiness studies is an interdisciplinary field that brings together what psychology, philosophy, neuroscience, economics, theology, literature and biology all say about the good life.

The course was created and is taught by Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar who graduated from Harvard with a BA in Philosophy and Psychology and a PhD in Organizational Behavior and went on to teach two of the most popular courses in Harvard’s history; Positive Psychology and The Psychology of Leadership.

"Happiness is the meaning and purpose of life the whole aim and end of human existence." - Aristotle -

History of happiness

In the 18th century; Alexander Pope (an English poet) exclaimed, “Oh happiness! Our being’s end and aim!”, while John Byrom (also an English poet) suggested that “it was the best thing one could do to always be cheerful...and not suffer sullenness.”

While seeking happiness was now acceptable, feelings of unhappiness were to be avoided. During the yellow fever epidemic in Philadelphia in 1793, people were told to keep their spirits up and avoid excessive grief.

There were also some measurable advances in human comfort levels for the middle class; home heating, umbrellas and improved dentistry so one had more reason to show off their pearly whites.

In comes the 19th century. The rising middle-class believed that working people had no reason not to be happy.

This surge in happiness applied also to family life and death. Wives and mothers were encouraged to maintain a cheerful demeanour in order to reward their hard-working husbands and raise successful children. It’s no wonder that divorce rates rose in the late 19th century due to unmanageable expectations that family reality could not match.

Americans were also leading the reconciliation of death with demands for happiness. Heaven was a place where one could reunite with already deceased family members. There was no talk or space for fear or grief.

Starting in the 1920s and onward, vast amounts of literature emerged, surrounding the importance of happiness and methods to gain it, like 14,000 Things to be Happy About and A Thousand Paths to Happiness. If only it were as simple as reading a book.

The push for happiness brought about new workplace HR techniques that were introduced to promote happiness. Companies were built with happiness at the forefront, like the Walt Disney Company, whose company motto became “make people happy”. And let's not forget about the happy meal! The move from a mainly manufacturing workforce to a white-collar economy played a role in the rise in happiness. Managers could see a strong business advantage in having a happy workforce.

And then there's consumerism. Relating products to happiness was and still is the easiest way to sell a product. This has only intensified in more recent years, especially within social media platforms where we find ourselves mindlessly scrolling through stories of "the good life" and products that can help us feel better.

"To me the only definition of happiness is wholeness." - Helen Keller -

What is happiness?

The answer we've all been looking for! But first, I want to preface this by saying, we can and should each form our own definition of happiness.

This definition is inspired by the wise words of Helen Keller.

Happiness is the experience of wholeperson wellbeing, of wholebeing.

This definition alone is not enough because it doesn't tell us the information necessary to understand, pursue and attain happiness. It's much too broad and elusive.

The paradox of happiness

Much research has been done by psychologists over the past few decades, pointing to the value of cultivating happiness beyond the reason for feeling good. It leads to better personal and professional relationships, stronger immune systems and longevity, creativity and engagement and overall success. So pursuing happiness would seem to be a good thing.

The paradox is highlighted in other research saying that those who value the pursuit of happiness, are more likely to be lonely which is commonly linked to depression and unhappiness. So then is ignoring happiness the best option?

The resolution of the paradox lies in the need to pursue happiness indirectly. To pursue those things that would lead to happiness. There is some consensus across philosophy, biology, economics and psychology, around the five SPIRE elements as the prime candidates to indirectly pursue happiness.

"Those only are happy who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness." - John Stuart Mill (philosopher) -

SPIRE

Spire is the highest point of a summit and the highest point of a building. As it relates to happiness, SPIRE is finding and becoming our highest self by breaking through boundaries and limitations.

The SPIRE elements are the pillars upon which a happy life is constructed and when we cultivate these pillars we increase our levels of happiness. It's important to understand that the SPIRE elements are interconnected and affect one another. In order to fulfill our potential for deep and lasting happiness, we cannot thrive in some elements while neglecting others. Think of a day when you had a stomach ache or back pain, it throws off your whole being.

"The part can never be well unless the whole is well." - Plato -

Spiritual Leading a meaningful life and mindfully savouring the present.

Physical Caring for the body and tapping into the mind/body connection.

Intellectual Engaging in deep learning and openness to experience.

Relational Nurturing a healthy relationship with yourself and others.

Emotional Welcoming and feeling emotions, reaching toward resilience and optimism.

Reflections

Whether digital or physical, I highly recommend journaling. I like to think of it as self-therapy; a safe space to write down your feelings and reflections.

On a regular basis we need to give ourselves the time and space to reflect on how we're feeling, what emotions are coming up and what thoughts are popping into our minds. These are all valuable insights that we should welcome no matter the initial discomfort. Here are some of my reflections from this week:

FAMILY

If you recall from my first blog, I talked about a feeling of emptiness when my family left to go home. During the first lecture, Tal described a very similar experience with his own family. The emptiness I was feeling was because my once full cup was now half-full. My purpose that week was to host my family (Spiritual), many of our experiences included physical activity (Physical), we had interesting conversations (Intellectual), I cherish our relationships (Relational) and naturally, emotions were shared, especially during our goodbyes (Emotional).

GUIDANCE

Without a reliable guide in our life, especially in our younger years, it can seem impossible to know which direction to go in. We instead follow examples of others who we think are going in the right direction and are more inclined to take a well-trodden path out of fear of the unknown or judgement by others. We need to find the courage and knowledge to become our own guide. No one knows you better than you do.

UNCONSCIOUS LIVING

I feel that I was and so many of us are living unconscious lives. Moving from one day to the next without much feeling, thinking or doing things that will improve our lives, the lives of others and our planet.

SELF DISCOVERY

Self discovery is a journey unto itself, especially if you are only just getting to know yourself. I forgot how much I like writing until I started working on this blog. Prepare to feel powerful once you start to uncover your true self!

CONFIDENCE

When we start to find our purpose we become more confident and can more easily identify what we want. In our careers, relationships and everyday interactions. I've never been good at asking for what I wanted because I wasn't confident and I wasn't confident because I didn't really know who I was as an individual, so how the heck would I know what I want.

FEAR

Bravery is being willing to feel fear and take action. Fear can paralyze us, which is why so many of us feel stuck in some capacity. Fear of the unknown, fear of the outcome, fear of being judged, fear of doing the wrong thing, fear of failing. When fear comes up, I try to ask myself, what’s the worst that can happen? This brings me back to reality rather than living through fear.

FEELINGS

I never felt that crying or anger was acceptable or natural, rather it was a form of weakness. People would often become uncomfortable around me when I cried or was angry, which in turn made me feel that it was wrong. Being a sensitive and empathetic person, it is hard for me to hold in my feelings. When we allow a feeling to build up inside, it may start out as a feeling of, say, annoyance but over time it can form into a more explosive feeling of anger.

PARENTING

There are lots of mothers in my class so we often get on the subject of children or teenagers.

People make the best choice based on what they know at that time and the "good enough mother" were topics of discussion during this week's live webinar. I heard both loud and clear and was prompted to reflect on my own parents. I wish they had felt more comfortable to be human. To make mistakes and share their learnings. To let out their own emotions and show that all emotions are acceptable and natural. This week I let go of the last bit of resentment I was holding toward my Mum.

Pediatrician and Psychoanalyst D.W. Winnicott coined the phrase “good enough mother” in 1953. His message is that you don't need to be "the best" mother to raise a psychologically healthy child who feels loved and nurtured. You simply need to be a "good enough" mother who takes care of your baby's basic physical and emotional needs. I've linked an article at the end of this blog post (under "Related info.") that includes radio clips from one of Winnicott's radio broadcasts on the BBC where he's chatting with Mums about "What Irks the Ordinary Mother?". His radio broadcasts ran for two decades starting in the middle of the Second World War.

As it relates to teenagers, we talked about "planting the seeds". Oftentimes teenagers have so much going on in their minds, they don't have the space to propertly process and respond to wise words from parents or teachers. Just by planting the seeds they will eventually and when the time is right, flourish. It just takes time.

Actions

To bring about lasting change we need to supplement reflection with action; practicing, doing and applying. Below I've listed some actions I've been practicing this week:

COMMUNICATING EMOTIONS

S and I are more clearly and often communicating our feelings as they arise. I’ve always been a terrible communicator of my feelings. I think it’s hard in certain situations if you don’t know yourself or if you think you're going to be judged, but whether you talk about your feelings or write them in a journal, they need to come out. The first step is to identify the emotion and then when you have time to think, you can dig deeper to find the root cause.

MOVEMENT

Sitting is the new smoking. Great! Another habit to break ;) I've introduced 30-seconds of movement every hour for 10 hours each day. Thank you Apple watch for my reminders. This is especially important during busy workdays that might bring about feelings of stress and anxiety. Making small changes to help move our bodies each day increases blood flow and makes us think more easily.

REFRAMING

My new favourite technique. Reframing negative thoughts or conversations. Why is it we often jump to a negative thought, make assumptions and spin a story in our minds? All questions I hope to be able to answer once we dive deep into the Emotional element of SPIRE.

S and I have both implemented this technique. It’s not an easy one, but, with practice, it can pull you out of a negative thought before it gets too far. We've used it during conflicts that typically would escalate and the other day I did it while riding my bike into a strong wind. Instead of complaining (in my head) about the additional effort, I slowed down, became more present, observed people on the street, smiled when eye contact was made and arrived home feeling good about myself.

Meditation (10 minutes)

If you don't already have a meditation practice, try introducing it a few times a week to ease into the habit and choose a meditation that works for you. With practice, meditation helps us with being present. It gives us a chance to pause, welcoming all thoughts and feelings, but always coming back to focus each time our mind wanders. It's a powerful tool but requires consistency and practice. Choose from one of the options below or listen to one of your favourites.

• Basic - great for a first time meditation with a focus on your breath
• Sensation - focusing on one area of your body
• Savouring - a great choice if you want to keep your eyes open and savour all the beauty around you
• Loving Kindness - for those days when you want to focus on someone else
• Body Scan - I often choose this one as I'm lying in bed about to fall asleep
• Music - my go-to choice when I have a busy mind
• Acceptance - a great choice if you are not feeling good about yourself

Activity

Now that you are familiar with the five elements of wholebeing (SPIRE), what are some activities that you are currently doing that you could bring more attention to? Are there any others that you’d like to add?

They should be things you enjoy doing so that it’s easier to build into your routine. Here’s an example of activities I did this week to build SPIRE elements into my week:

• Spiritual & Physical: Walk to a park, the waterfront or green space. Sit down and be fully present. Take in your surroundings, listen to the sounds, observe the details, savour the experience. ~10 minutes.
• Physical: 30 minutes of exercise, daily.
• Intellectual: Explore a new idea. Listen to a new podcast or watch a documentary. I watched The Wisdom of Trauma, which was fascinating.
• Relational, Emotional (fun activity) & Spiritual (if you connect on a deep level): Connect in-person with a friend and be present.
• Emotional: Journal about your day, a specific feeling, a topic you want to explore, what you’re grateful for this week, etc.

Movies

The Miracle Worker by Arthur Penn, 1962

Groundhog Day, by Harold Ramis, 1993

Related information

Excerpt from Optimism, by Helen Keller

Tool: Wheel of feelings

Peak: Secrets from the New Science of Expertise, by K. Anders Ericsson, Robert Pool

TED talk by Adam Grant: How to stop languishing and start finding flow

The Good Enough Mother radio broadcasts

"Most people measure their happiness in terms of physical pleasure and material possession. Could they win some visible goal which they have set on the horizon, how happy they could be! Lacking this gift or that circumstance they would be miserable. If happiness is to be so measured, I who cannot hear or see have every reason to sit in a corner with folded hands and weep. If I am happy in spite of my deprivations, if my happiness is so deep that it is a faith, so thoughtful that it becomes a philosophy of life - if, in short, I am an optimist, my testimony to the creed of optimism is worth hearing." - Helen Keller

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See you next week, for more on this exciting, uncomfortable, emotional and valuable journey 🥰.

If you have any feedback or questions about the content or would like to share something about your own journey, I'd love to hear from you.

Thank you for reading!